So earlier tonight I saw Transformers: Rise of the Fallen. To describe it in a word:
Long.
Which isn’t to say that it was a bad movie, but it was certainly a case of overstimulation. It was practically a full-time job for my eyes watching all of that transforming and merging and shooting and exploding and collapsing. It was almost as difficult as that third Lord of the Rings movie.
With Transformers being one of – if not the – summer blockbuster, I figured I was in for previews of some big upcoming movies. Unfortunately, one of those was – wait for it:
M. Night Shymalan’s
The Last Airbender
…
That pause was for me to compose myself. It failed.
Where the FUCK does this pompous douchebag get off putting his hack name in front of an Avatar movie? As if he had anything to do with its creation. Or maybe he’ll be taking credit for what will inevitably be a complete bastardization of a wonderful franchise?
Michael Bay probably deserves a lot of credit for how he’s modernized the Transformers franchise and made it accessible to a wider audience than us nerds who grew up with the TV series in the 80s. And yet, for all he’s done, this latest movie was not called:
Michael Bay’s
The Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
So how does Manoj – who has been riding the wave from The Sixth Sense (the only film of his that can pass for “good”) for 10 years now – figure he’s entitled to take someone else’s intellectual property and attach his name to it? I mean, at this point, M.Night Shymalan is like King Midas – the revisionist version who touches things and they turn into shit.
For Aang’s sake, did you see The Village? The Happening? Would someone tell this mother fucker to stop making movies?
So putting his name on Avatar: The Last Airbender – which boasts a quality of writing, direction, and overall fantasticness that Shymalan couldn’t manage on his best day – is like taking a dump on a really delicious pizza.
Would you eat a shit pizza? I didn’t think so.
FUCK M. Night Shymalan.
And as for his penchant for surprise endings, the only one I’ll accept is the one where Shymalan himself dies and is unable to complete the movie.
Surprise!













